My Saddest Goodbye

(For Emily, my Muse)

driving a friend to the airport, it really doesn’t matter
but we talked on the way about this and some that
yet all of the time I was thinking of you

then parked at the drop-off my heart almost stopped
and my mind rushing faster than planes down the runway
I froze . . . thinking: “one day she’ll be the passenger . . .”
I’d tried hard to forget about that but could not

you’ll be gone on your flight to somewhere
leaving me drifting, powerless and seething, battery drained, grounded,
surrounded by greetings of joyful families meeting their loved ones
as my heart is leaving and I’m broken and crashing and thrashing,
forgetting even to keep breathing

then on the lonely drive home though I tried not
to rehearse the sadness of future farewells and adieus
I cursed to hell that I felt and will feel so alone
so I tried to think of that wonderful place we’ve created between us
your smile, your face, your hair, your grace,
your smell and every trace, of orphaned kisses,
shared seconds and minutes, fond wishes,
gentle expressions of love that as time increases
grow warmer, grow stronger, together

but clouds of despair draped damply around me
in curtains that shut out the light and darkened my soul
grey skies so gloomy my thoughts like that sky were subdued
and wanting to cry out turned darker and darker . . .

“oh how I will miss you” they cried
“how I will miss you” they cried
“how I will miss you – my saddest goodbye”

(17.11.23)